DANNY JAY'S HELLA RAD MIX

(The recently deceased Studs Terkel was never able to complete his lifelong work I LIKE AMERICAN MUSIC, an oral history of America's varied musical tastes in the post-WWII era. Provided below is a transcript of a UW-Madison fraternity member's (Josh) review of his "bro" Danny Jay's mix CD. Conducted during a frat party in the fall of 2003, this was recorded on Studs' trusty tape recorder but never put to paper. Until now. All of Terkel's notes and recordings for this massive project, some of which date back as far as 1947, are currently being held and reviewed at the library of the University of Chicago.)

[loud music and talking in background throughout]

JOSH: Yeah, this is like my favorite fucking CD. No fucking doubt! No, No Doubt isn't on there. But man, just listen to that shit. Jesus.

[inaudible]

JOSH: This song is just the best. Danny Jay and I went to this show and were just fucking ripped, like there was this dude with sick dreds who was passing this fucking fattie, right? It was huge, like it was from a fucking movie or something. But anyway we went to see this show and, hold up. [yells] DANNY! BRO! WHAT BAND IS THIS!? OH RIGHT! So yeah, this is Robert Randolph. Fucking great. They opened for OAR and tore. it. up. Just a good ass time.

[New song comes up]

JOSH: So this is Guster and I saw that shit too. Saw them over in Milwaukee at Summerfest last summer and man, they just rock. Just fucking kick fucking ass. I mean, we get there and there are these like, fucking emo girls in like high school, right? And what they're doing at a fucking Guster show is anybody's guess but whatever, probably just got smoked out of Goth Island or some shit, came our way.

[girl shrieking in background]

JOSH: But anyway, it was Danny Jay, me, Hogwild, and Fucktard and we're all jamming, having a good time when these emo girls show up and are all like, "Hey, can you guys buy us beer?" and Fucktard's like "What's in it for me?" and the chick is like, "I'll give you a handjob." And she totally does! Right there during this crowded-ass day time show in fucking Summerfest. We're all watching and soon enough she's like fucking crying because we're calling her a whore and her friend thought she could just get some beer for free but soon enough I get a handjob out of her - a handjob with her butt! Right in front of everyone! [inaudible] Yeah, I don't know like fourteen, fifteen? Something like that, anyway. We gave them beer anyway, but Hogwild drank like half of it before they were done, you know, doing stuff to us so yeah, they kind of got gypped.

[new song plays]

JOSH: Oh man! This is Howie Day. Guy is just the best and -

[his cell phone rings]

JOSH: My shit's blowing up, one sec, 'kay? [answers] What up, bro?...Nah, I'm over at the house...Actually, I'm talking to some old dude, Studs something, but I call him Studley Do-Right because he's my boy...Yeah, bro, come on over...No, it's BYOB but you have...aw shit, liquor stores are closed. Bummer. I'd hook you up, but I'm looking out for my man Studs, keeping his old-ass pickled in Natty, you know? I know Big Dawg has a ton and he might share. Anyway, I gotta get back to this shit. Peace in the Middle East, man. [flips it shut]

[new song]

JOSH: Oh shit! Studley, this is it, my man. This is it right here. DAVE MUTHAFUCKIN' MATTHEWS! If, like, to get into heaven or something I had to suck one cock in my lifetime, and like, I had a choice of what cock it was, I'd go to town on Dave Matthews. Just fuckin DRAIN that man's balls. Wait, I take that back. If it was ANYONE - like living or dead or whatever - I'd blow Bob Marley. That's just a given. Like if you got to heaven and the dude at the gates was like, "Dude, you have to blow somebody, but you know, it can be anybody up here or back down on earth, so what are you gonna choose?" I'd be like, "Say no more, angel guy, I will bloweth Bobbeth Marleyeth." Jesus, I'm getting lit. Want to do a shot? [yells] Shots for my man Studs and me!

[hear Studs asking a question, inaudible]

JOSH: Naw, man. Are you sure it's not you? I mean, you're pretty old and stuff. I mean it's not like...Fuck, dude. You're right. You're so right and...shit. You're totally dead fucking on. I shit my pants. I shit my fucking pants. What's that? No, I'll clean up after we do this shot. Lemon drop time, motherfuckers!